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Akha Chronicles Hope and Resolution Hope and Resolution as one
chapter or two? Fix Hope Hope
was a crucial factor in my work and it was also cruicial in keeping the Akha
alive. Often it could be the most
evasive as well. Hopes for the Akha hold onto land hold onto language and
culture, way of life simpler than our own, less
costly to the earth increasingly all such life
styles are being stamped out under the feet of the consumption economy model
refined in the west. Hope Against Hope I hope in people I hope in the good way I hope against the cynic I hope that the old way is
preserved I hope in the joys despite
hardship I hope for the village I hope for the evils people
don’t know that they never will I hope for simplicity and
innocence I hope for acts of
redemption in this life I hope for the repair of the
breach I hope for poor children,
poor people I hope for the ugly,
offensive, tired and lost Here a little, there a little Did I get this in intro? But
that still didn’t explain what I was doin way up here close to Course
I was sure to still find out because there was a whole lot more writin to do,
and writin, like reading, was something that explained a lot time you got
done. Course now I had one piece of
the puzzle that I didn’t use to have, and that was heart book, least
that is what the Akha called it. That
was the place they pointed to in the chest in this one kind of way, the
finger comin up from below, curled like a hook, where everything important
got written down. And here I was
spillin just a little bit of it out on paper knownin how much more there was
up there in the heart book. Hope and Holding on Holding on when there was
bills to pay, when so few saw the big picture and there were no funds to back
up the big picture with good action. Keeping the truck moving in
the villages. Keeping medicine flowing. Developing village
leadership. Overcoming a major obstacle
for a village (Pah Nmm Road Project) Lacking sufficient fund
raising skill The Hope of this story Hope Not Yet Arrived This story is really about a
journey to the destination of seeing a more hopeful future for the Akha. In that sense, this story is
not complete, as that goal has not yet been arrived at. Sure, many small goals along
the way have been, but that one has not been. Working towards hope. Looking for hope. Boosting hope. Desiring hope. Remaining hopeful. All these come into play in
the hope for accomplishment of the goals to help these people and give them a
greater grasp in their lives. Why Not To Quit Why Not To Quit From Helping
The Akha I wrote: There
is always work that can be done. It
depends on her temperment what she would most like to do. There
are villages that she could go to and work with the kids. Really
up to her what her interest is, but
much that can be done. As
to your esperience here, keep in mind that helping people is useful. Why, because most everybody is a cynic and
everytime you succeed you defeat people like that. I
keep my nose clean and be respectful to the Akha and try to understand the
missing links. But
many people have tried to bury me and it hasn't worked. I used to say that all you needed here was to be able to go
without food for five days, but its gotten a lot tougher than that. You
have an advantage that if you can survive the first onslaught of despair,
whatever Akha awareness and networking there
is, its way better than it used to be. I
have collected incredible intelligence information on what is going on and I
also know what it means. I
know isn't a replacement
yet. It gives some cohesion, we can
play along knowing it isn't much. Meeh
Juuh knows about burn out
and she does get a lot of the ID
card things done. She needs to be
training someone else to help her. What
you deserve credit for is that you alerted me about Joh Hoh and I was able to
at least respond to the village and
find out a very important incident before it was done AND film it. We are recording a pattern
here. Maybe it makes him feel
inadquate, I don't know, but with the mess going on people got to lay that aside. There
were two other relocations this year that he said nothing abou till over and
they probably could have been stopped. As
to your energy, don't let people destroy that, another plate of armour maybe,
but the redemption is when we can
hold on and cheer ourselves on our own and know WHY we keep working. #1The
kids don't ask for this mess. #2The
old people and the adults minding their own business don't ask for it. And
most importantly it would give too many people satisfaction to shove the Akha
head under the water for the last time. It
is ok, maybe essential to work alone, because of all the hard times too, but
that doesn't preclude meeting and finding
common grounds and sharing ideas. But
mostly it concerns me that you feel as your energy was not well spent, or is
not valuable. I
am teaching someone right now how to read Akha, write it, and use it on the
computer. It is very fast and then they are
already teaching someone else. Finding
out who you can do this with is mostly luck and takes a
long time. These
people seem to live in a perpetual sheer wind, a maze of sheer winds, and no
invested energy lasts very long it
would seem. One
has to do nearly everything themselves and hope something hangs in place for
a moment, pettishness, selfishness,
lazyness, hoping someone else will predigest everthing and do it all. But
Thais will NEVER meet you half way so one is still way ahead with the Akha. Many
people have come here but not taken the time number one, to care, and number
two, to find out what is going on in a
general sense, collective solutions rather than piece meal. I know these Akha who were trained by the
mission but left due to disallusionment.
But they will never work at making things better,
they just want another "project" till the money is gone. That is what they learned at the mission. Going
back again and again at the problem is hard to suggest to them. I
have known several who came here due to academics or research and it allmost
precluded them, it did preclude them from
being able to network because they had their mind made up and there was this huge agenda pushing
them. Working
with the Akha one has to have very vague agendas, because one really doesn't
know what intricacies are
effecting everything, and the timing of it all. But
once again there is common ground that can be worked on. For instance, here are a
number of issues: 1. Lack of networking 2. FORESTRY, this is major. 3. Removals of children from
the villages (cause it helps forestry) 4. Finding investors in
tried crops like tea, coffee, fruit trees. Another
thing that I have found is that in a community that is getting its first
educated or well to do people, they are
invariably making mistakes with it which is normal and their right. I
also find that some of these educated Akha can be the most lethally critical,
slandering, yet they would never do for their own
people what I have even done over the years and I'm not so sure I owe these people anthing,
nor to take abuse for trying to help. That
can be very discouraging and more than likely you'll hear it third hand, not
from the person themselves which of course
makes it even more fun. I
remember this one time that I heard they were calling me to this village and
so finally on about the third call I got
suspicious so I figured something was up so I went. There was the whole damn village up to meet me
and the meeting grew in the headmans house till the whole village was there and this one
person just slandered me royally. It
wasn't a big surprise, but not what I like to be audience for, so
I told all the elders that it was not a true fact and why and they said they agreed, that I was not
in the wrong on anything, but the damage really had already been done. So I took a video camera and video taped
this other person telling what had really happenened and hauled that
and a TV over the mountain and set it up in the village and played it for everyone, at which point
I really had to say nothing further,
but it goes to illustrate that things are hard enough here,
that people are WAITING to take you down from every side, and few are interested in
helping the future, but many can see it when you do. You
do it for those people. There
is no real reason that most people would accept for why I continue to stay
on, sure I gave you those reasons above, but
that is just mostly theory and idealism to most people, they would never stay. I
think it is worth it, I think that there are very good things to be kept in
tact and fought for, and certainly there is an
incredible tyranny in Really
it all adds up to our take on human justice and evil you might say. Evil
is against all people. Some people make themselves an instrument of it, and
it cuts them too, but it really has mercy to
no one. Some
people grip evil to use it so firmly, or to be used by it so firmly, that
they make themselves a target for our opposition,
maybe one day they see the light, maybe not, rather their problem when it gets to that point
of extremity. But
evil in itself is something very worth fighting because it takes such pride
in making a mess of things so often. The
other reason that people work alone here, or I would advise it, is that you
are a unit, try, find out what works, be realistic
effort by effort, but collaborate, maybe one day it gets to be a network. So far I see you making some effort to do
that. People here don't trust anyone because the people that are
here already are so cut throat. And
very few people have the staying power to believe in ANYTHING for very long,
be it westerners or Akha. To the westerners it is a sport, they don't
realize it will stop being that if they stay long enough to
beat the devil a little bit at his own game. But
they leave first and I am not referring to you. Its like when people come along and tell me
what swell guy I am and what
wonderful work I am doing but don't stay long to help and sure not long enough to see how
tough it is to keep the doors open through thick and thin and not have a clue where the money
will be coming from. Then
the other half turn around and say that anyone who would do that has got to
be a real asshole so you can't win for
loosing. Anyway, I think that a short list could be made and
gone over of what the problems are and how to triangulate them in such
a way as to punch both ears at the same time. You
do realize the US Gov gave poverty alleviation. They
have been playing this game for years.
In my opinion, one arm needs the Akha to grow the opium, and one arm needs
the problem to play this dynamic balance they are building over china and the road to this extensively and have
been very direct with the people in all. Then
when you start finding out that the people in the missions, you start to get
the picture and it looks a whole lot like profiling does in the cept they aren't under their
own law here. The
US Gov wants war games and war toys and police state over drugs like the
Andean Initiative, and they don't
care what extermination the Thai government does with it on the side by taking land away, heavy
arrests within the male population, etc. Now
when you have the missions targeting the girls to take them away on the other
hand in light of all that, what do the men
have to live for? It
leaves incredible despair in the villages. AS
well I have pretty good proof that US Gov, missions, and heroin exports are
one and the same, so it really is a
hypocrisy that stinks to high heaven here when they start talking darkness and bondage and drugs and
how all the Akha need Jesus and forestry or the chinese grab off more of their land. That's
why I don't quit. Gets to be fun,
everytime someone I don't know sends me another email and shows me where to go to
turn over another turd and find one of these people resting comfortably under it. Poverty
doesn't just happen. Work
"alone" in a way, keep your expenditures really low, work on
finding out information and networking. My general opinion is that there never will
be much money for this work because it is the right thing to do and
people don't give to that, they need a more sinister agenda, least a big face for what they give. Matthew He wrote: This
wasn't an easy e-mail to respond to.
Yes, I am down at the moment, especially on the Thais but even on the
Akha. It is too easy to paint it black
or white because as we both know there are bastards and
saints in all communities - from the Christians to the Thais to the Akhas. I am struggling to try to figure out where
I fit into it all. I came over with
lots of ideas how to make things
better based on my readings and experiences in everyone sensed that energy
and stoked it more. However, no one
really wanted to get on the wagon with me, they just
wanted to see what I would do and Athu was hoping I would find him some money. He of course didn't want to give me any say
in any matters and was yes, very fearful of stepping on
toes. It sounds like he has had some
bad experiences of his own. I think if I was to work with
the Akha again, I would need to find some young Akha who aren't so jaded and have a
fire in their bellies. I know some
good people who have expressed an interest but it is a
matter of getting it all together and then finding the funding. Yes, you are also right about
economics and how it affects "giving back." It would be idiotic of me to assume a family on the edge
of starvation would have any energy to donate their time or money. I also forget what a lucky position I come
from and that I have the finances and education to do this. It seemed to be rewarding at first but I
came to realize that if you are in it for the reward, you will
only be disappointed. I'm impressed
you've kept at it so long - I have lost 90% of my drive
and am seriously questioning this whole idea of charity and getting involved in other
cultures. You are also right about
Thai culture, there is corruption to the bone. It isn't just contained to politics, it
filters right down to people you and I have to deal with on a regular
basis. I've met many good Thais but I
have met so many that just put on a good face to see what they
can get from me. Anyhow, one of my
biggest criticisms of you was that you were working
alone but quite frankly I can't really see any other way. A friend from she is itching to do some
good work. If you have any good ideas
where she would be useful, let me know and I will tell
her. Take care and talk to you
later. I wrote: I
know that maybe we don't agree on some things or not, not made my mind up on that, but I would say
that you are one of the few people who has come here in ten years for
other than a joy ride and TRY to do something. That
is to your credit. In
ten years I have seen enough despair here, personal despair, I mean what is left over in my
heart when I get to where ever I am going to sleep. This wasn't about
what all was going on in the villages, but how I was going to stay here any
longer and all the events had an effect on my energy to be able to do
this and also personal setbacks or extreme difficulties. Things
like people raging at me over a bill or rent that still wasn't paid. And
sometimes I only got the jerk routine in the village. Many
times I had to search for one good reason to continue, since leaving means going to far
place away so it is inconvenient to change ones mind after having
dumped all. And
sometimes the ONLY reason was because the kids didn't ask for all the bs that was being dumped
on them making them suffer, and many adults suffered in the same mess
who weren't jerks. In
any community there are the priveledged, those with the most educational or situation
resources. In
the Akha community I was discouraged when these people pissed it all and didn't do what they
might to help their own. But
if I compared their location to a person of similar location in the west relative status wise in
their own community I could not single the Akha out. They
were no worse. However, when a society has more luxury, more of the people at the top will
start to give back. Its a matter of percentage and there really
isn't this big pool of Akha's at the top in Akha society. And
then if you compare it to Thai society, the Akha are maybe ahead. The
Thai give NOTHING. They
lie and cheat relentlessly. Even
the academic Thais I know, do very little to help anyone. They
tell me by email how helpless they are. In
a look around one finds that marriages by foreigners to the hilltribe are usually the marriages
that last the longest in to being married to a Thai,
and I think this is in part because many of the hilltribe, christian or
no, have a pretty deep sense of what deception is in the cases
where it matters. The
second reason I stayed on was because so many people found it convenient to think of the
Akha as chatel. This
was not the fault of the Akha. One
means that I have used to understand the Akha situation better and know why I don't get a
response one way or the other is that village life, the shear survival
effort of it, requires people to move relevant to what they have to do that
day. If they have to do a field, they don't volunteer to go anywhere.
This is particularly true in cases of such events as we deal with. To
them it is done, they don't see much hope of investing in it as a means
of preventing it from happening again, because they don't often
have the energy, they rather go on and HOPE it won't happen again, which I
think is often not sufficient. The
community can only continue to take so much punishment. Just
the same, I don't know if one day I am going to wake up and feel I am done doing. That
is not to say I will ever come to the point that I think that I wasted my time. I
know I didn't, cause I have checked and rechecked as I went along to make sure I would not end up
in that position. It
takes a lot of time to try and figure out what is helpful to people, when people need help, etc. I
don't know if its ever an easy call. I
have repeatedly tried to coordinate with Thai NGO's. Not
much luck, they are maximum avoiders. to tell me that there is
this or that response on a case, or lack of it, from these or those people
because of fear. I
think this is the case of this murder as well. San Chai Gow -Pattana, and
those places are a real mess. They
are a mess in part because they are closer to Mae Chan, including Pah Dooh Akha, also a mess.
The Thais depended on them for meth and heroin and opium for all the
ten years I have been here and beyond. One day a cop is using, five
minutes later ten other cops are on the bust. The
Thais don't try to coordinate ANYTHING with the Akha for the most part so there isn't anything
like a liason office similar to the Thai So
there can be a really big differences in the villages and also one must always watch their back
side. Not
a nice deal overall. The litmus test is that when
there is a situation which definitely is not the Akha's fault, there
is no means of appeal or anyone who they can call in to be a go between
for them. That
is lacking and until that happens nothing will go much. stays busy administering,
but I don't find reports of him being corrupt. Maybe he eats some
money, but mostly he just spends energy carefully and stays out of
the fear zone. The
Akha are pounced on for everything they do, both by army and police. It continues to be a very
difficult situation. As
you may know, there is a lot of Hmong agitation going on, both defensive on their part and
against them by the Thais trying to wip up the ole hill vs. lowland
people gig. However
the Hmong are powerfully established in the and a great deal of
awareness is going to benefit the Akha because of the Hmong situation. Generally
no body is going to give funding to help the hilltribe much, and we can not expect much
change in government structure. I was amazed that they started moving on
ID cards, but of course they are gouging, and also they have
simultaneously sped up their land seizures. In
the very best villages I have experienced seeing the fear at a catatonic level among the
Akha, both as regular people and as headmen. They
know very well that anything the do that rocks the boat will bring retaliation, and even when I
was involved it brought it. However
I have seen that as I was working with some of the sticky situations for a while, and
after a few confrontations, they became to know that I was not
demanding rediculous things nor appearing to demand massive change quickly. I
would push and then back way off. It has afforded some villages some increased security as well
as the fact that the Thais came to find out that I wasn't going to
surprise them like I was some cowboy or something, sticking my
finger in their eye all the time. I
found it very good to push, back off, or even pretend it wasn't me. They were very accepting of
that. They
sort of know I am "around" in some cases, but that may be all they see. And
I generally avoid them cause they are not going to have anything to say. I do know some good admin
people and Thais married to Akha who have quite a heart for the Akha
in some ways, but they aren't going to take it anywhere. They
might work on an Akha project if they got paid, but not much more than that. I
hope you are not too discouraged by all of this. Matthew He wrote: Yes,
I agree about other orgs not doing much. I heard of Akha Fellowship run by a guy
named Atthui that supposedly has funds available for this.
Honestly, I am a bit fed up with the lying that I have been subject to by both
the Akha and Thais. It is a bit of culture shock so at the
moment, I am asking myself, why the hell do I want to help anybody, they
don't even seem to want to help themselves (as a group) only themselves individually? Regarding
the Akha informant, I may have just stumbled on him as I think he is the father of a
student at AFECT. I went to Samukimai and asked the girl what her
father did and she said he works at Sam Yaak with the police. When I asked
him directly about the death, he didn't want to talk about it and
said "it is over." There is a good chance it is the same guy. Another
thing that concerns me though is that the family never contacted me or Chem, the
lawyer even though it was my own efforts that got HADF involved as
well as the Akha lawyer. Why not call and say "thanks but we
decided to accept the money?" Basically
I agree about money. I've decided volunteering in isn't going to solve much. I
think it is better if I focus on making some money and then I will
have a voice in terms of getting things done. I don't like it but
that is the only thing that motivates 95% of the people here. I don't
think there is such a thing as altruism. Talk
to you, Other Hope Hopes? Akha Why? Refresh? How? My
own hopes and dreams had gotten mixed in with that of and for a people and I
cou ldn't keep them straight any more.
Maybe it was living in denial by diversion but there was no denying
what I swa all about me. Sometimes
I had to back away from it, deny what passed before my eyes, what had
solidified in the front of my brain so I could try and rememeber who I was,
if I had any dreams that were my own, if I had any moment to live that wasn't
a crisis and if there wasanything unique to myself that might serve to
replenish me. People
can say what they wish regarding the use of one's time, limits and where you
have to draw the line, none of that is real.
The child I left behind in the hut, feverish for days, thin of only
bones, frefusing to eat and maybe 7 years old, ready to die, how do I get
that out of my mind. I h ad no money,
no where to take her, and not much to offer.
Not the first time. I had to
leave the milk, but for the moment she would not drink it and I had to
go. My mind never could though. There
were many stories like that, and I was tired of fighting, tired of rubbing
two stones together hoping for a solution. There
was a funeral on the hill. An old
woman had died and there was to be two days of festive funeral. I would go but the chain on my motorbike
was bad, no money for gas as there was no money to help the child either. And
it wasn't going to do any good to try and figure it out, to be
philosophical. There was just only so
much money and for me that wasn't very much. All The Akha Villages Notes Aug 30, 1999 There
were more than a few Akha vilages in The
villages needed more visits, systematic visits at least to put them all on
the map for the first time and the kind of services, needs they had. Akha
song, dnace and stories were the core of the work that I had not yet done
also. For that needed to hire some people on some
occasions. There
was also much photography and video work to do, visiting here and there. I was campaigning for their right to their
culture as well, free from missionaries.
So that left much for me to do. As
my work and understanding of the needs of the situation and apprepriate
solutions developed was having to
reasses my efforts. It was important
to find joy in my work as well, not just work myself to exhaustion. To
have reasons for joy. I had reasons
but possesed little joy much of the time. There was too much that was
not done for me to feel a lot of joy, I felt a constant pressure and urgency
from this. Seeking peace and finding
it was hard. I
wanted to travel to the more distant Akha places as well, and to do this I
needed a break. Hope: This
story has to be about hope or I can not go on here, not on the tiny resources
that I run on. I suppose some would ask,
"Can we care too much?" but I think that this is usually asked by
those who do nothing, and of course it is up to the person, not to be
compared, I choose to do this so I do it, I don't attach any importance to
what I do, its a job I want to do and I do it. I
work to keep as many Akha alive as possible. On Helping, Hope and Evil When
you helped people or gave th em a break usually it was only you that
understood it. Some kind of fool. Hey, take advantage of this offer. One
went through hard times. A lot of
people didn't. So when you make the assumption that they are in need and hey,
why not help out, they see a fool I think sometimes. And
then so often the good you try to do for the poor gets ruined by relentless
stupidity on a collosal scale. How could you know that there is almost no
collective knowledge about the present world.
No perception of how to protect the future. Everything is expendable in the immediate
sense so nothing is waited for till gain is had, learning or knowledge can be
had and thus the cycle will repeat itself.
A few, a very few make it out. People
in churches throw in a few coins but if they came to these places they would
get a clear view of what the size and nature of evil was. Evil
is a wrecker. It is almost everything
going wrong, the wheel rolling back over the workmen who built the road. It is the parent crushing the child because
they have joy and talent. It is the parent sending the
daughter to It is the parent sending the
daughter to work in a kitchen instead of school. Marriage is a solution
instead of education. Some rich
Chinaman. Learning Hard Things Does Not Have to make you hard I
learned many hard lessons working with the Akha, not understanding fully what
was going on or what was happening quick enough and paying with my money and
also with my soul. I
saw things happen which were such painful experiences, failures of others,
failures of myself that I figured that the pain, the sadness which was so
deep, that it became beautiful like a bird plummeting to the earth, showing
you all its feathers at once, letting you pick it up and look slowly at how
perfectly its feathers and wings are made as you turn it over but it is DEAD,
very dead, yet it was so beautiful that it was beautiful even in death,
feelings so deep and perfect that they told you how much and wonderfully you
were alive, that there could be things so intensely beautifuland perfect and
unspoilt in life, and sometimes when they crash up it is to tell us that they
are there or we would never have guessed or dared to hope or would have
thought maybe it was all for free. Ah
Meeh was one such story, I never had anything or anyone sneak up on me like
that and effect me so profoundly, particularly in its passing. Meeh
Yuuh from Pah Nmm Akha. Logic and Religion Hope How
does God come through? Mostly not or does he? Not unless you got some kind
of bizarre logic unless you look at it more slowly. He comes through I think but slower than we
think and then we think He didn't. For
the beggar on the street in deep poverty? Sometimes I want to say no,
not in any way that we would call hope. So
what gives? Life goes on. We see people suffer. Some of us try to do something about it,
then we evn get tired of trying after a while. God
delivers supplies. When He does, if he
does, we can distribute them. We
mimic and listen to others mimic all the things we think God does or should
do with n knowledge of our own experience to add to that as proof. I
think God comes through, I hope in it, I am prudent each time he does come
through, least I try to be. And
then people subscribe to a belief system, an agenda and mug the facts to make
them fit rather than have a somewhat flexible or improvable belief system
that gets adjusted by proven experiences to be more exact. Myself,
I have seen God come through for me in my work with the Akha many times. Because of picking to do this job and not
quit, I have suffered many times in bad situations. But I am more and more relaxed, and see God
come through more times these days, or maybe it is that I am looking for it
more so I notice it more, in a kind of relaxed patience be hope be
expectation. And with no security here
he comes through with cash to keep me going, better than he used to, I used
to really suffer in poverty here, not having food, not having a dime, many
years like that. People would never
believe how poor I was or how hard it was to not know all what was going on,
yet still cling to a vision, try to learn more and one day get to where you
could be effective and see your dream come true. Maybe
some would say that it was fate. God
helps now but didn't them? I don't know, all I know is
that I pray and I wait to fix things that I don't have it at my hand to fix
right today. I don't know how I will
fix them so I must pray and wait and work my brain, but you can only do so
much of the latter till you are worn out and then it is nice, since some people
don't believe God is there for them, to have him to talk to and ask for help
to solve the problem. So the others
think they can't do that and don't, me, I like the luxury, the wonderfulness
of being friends with God, having a friend like that, as many friends, yet
one that you can confide in when most other people are not listening, like
wake up and talk to Jesus and get no back talk. People
take deep kindness and God has a lot of that too. Good things A few kind things. Hope in good things. Good events, redemption,
kindness, protection of what is kind and gentle, unspoiled and the
restoration or redemption of what has been broken. Selfishness Selfishness
one can understand but selfishness wihch will destroy itself rather than gain
more is difficult to perceive. Ask
for as much as you like, will get more than if you want to be selfish and not
ask. Be
constructively selfish. Joy Unification
of self Implanted seed. Maybe joy was the absence of
wrongness, brokenness and internal strife? Joy
happens. A friend of mine and I had
been talking of this. He had been looking for joy all his life and now was
old. We talked, I thinking it was the
absence of anthing that blocked it. You
didn't have joy, you got rid of what blocked it, and it was behind all that,
always there, not something you got or needed to get, was my thinking. In
my work I need joy, it is crucial each time for going on. After
I had closed the Maesai office following the Sept 11 WTC attacks I began to
fully live in the mountains in the villages.
This made new logistical prolems for me and then the truck blowing up
stopped me real bad. I had to wait in
Chiangrai for all the money and so I
typed all my writing which was left to be typed into the computer. Had been putting this off for a very long
time. Steady
life with the Akha was overwhelming by times but a good thing. I
immediately set to stop the tortures, killings, beatings, and shootings. There
were many army camps next to many villages, like parasites. One
of the great difficulties was the need of investment money for the villages. The
mission had a fortune for colonizing these people while few had funds for
investment. Assistance or taking
ownership? Amid
this I tried to keep, to remember, to fall back into joy when I could, to try
and understand the personal mechanics of joy. Often
I was overwhelmed by the tragedy around me. Freedom Is in the mind Jesus is not a religion. Such peace. Prayer I
think prayer is preceded b y faith, but faith is best preceded by a loving relaxed
trust. Of the trust comes fulfilled
faith, I think this is true. The
words of Jesus are so often ignored. I
feel we react to the endless lessons imposed on us that it would block much
enjoyment of the reading. Care Caring for things and
people. Caring for your own heart. Kindness and great concern
for others and one's self in life. Hope 2000 Dec I
guess what kept me going was I kept making progress, months by months, year
by year. I had it figured total
catchup to finish all the projects what I wanted to finish. After
that it would be repetition. Other Hope 28. In the afternoon sunlight, the air
pleasantly warm, the shadow coming, we can see the gold on the light cast
face of the child, coming to seek their parents with their eyes, to reach out
and back to them, in a life where they are becoming increasingl on their own,
the memories of the sun cast on the old wooden brown floor of the house in
long beach where the Hayes lived and we stayed on e summer. Such
things are in our memories. First cameras,
pictures in black and white, neighborhood streets, the corn dog, watching
ants, shooting tomatos and mashing tomato worms, watering them, watering
lawns and tending yards, all so small for real people, with my father that
year. Dotty,
Mr. Hayes very odd flame. Things
strange and gone odd, we saw him once, he came and full of mercy to the human
state. They went as missionaries to 29. Nathan sent one email. We are not enemies but not such
friends. He maybe would see to have
life relate as older and yunger brother and I am not into this. Wouldrather honesty and descussion. That is all. Jesus Christ Eternal Life Reconciliation Repentance A list of themes. What they didn't teach about Jesus to the Akha Lover, hope, caring for your
neighbor, faith Don't destroy the good Don't speak evil Hope In the End We
wanted a belief that was based on a structure we could understand, God, as a friend,
not just harsh master, allowing us to be human but calling us to be greatly
human without always holding before us the goals we could never attain. Not breaking us down to teach us how to be
coming up but pulling for the hope all from the start, as uniquely scottish
or Akha or both. And
most of all that people should live mercy in this life, redemption in this
life to other people, not just pretending to save it all for the next life
and do nothing of value here in the way of redemption. Serve. Yet in all the difficulty find and bring
always hope and joy. Ah yes, joy the fruit of the spirit which
apepared worst neglected in all the teachings of the church as so few had it. Have you ever tried to describe a noise? Elements of Prayer Deep wisdom focused on
problems Inspection within Hope Great Expectation Thanksgiving Redemptive Actions Is
there only redemptive words and belief or is there also redemptive actions. Can you have redemptive
actions without redemptive beliefs behind.
Will it happen without it. I
would think not. Each Day Each day is for rejoicing. Each day so full of sense,
sights, freedom. Understand. Understand yourself. Be in Unity internally. All the places I go, all the
things I see. Hope and Vision Live Together To Keep Us Going. Vision Gives Us Hope Justice, hope or resolution? Finding Justice: Justice is important, it allows people to take care
of themselves. In order to do that
they must have access to a means to make their greivances heard. Access to resources to compensate for
loss. If the Akha are loosing
resources at a faster rate than they are finding new resources, then the
ultimate results are obvious. They need
to both find compensating resources as wells as means by which to stop exploitation. Many times the problems of the poor are addressed,
how to develop, how to find economic income, but nothing pointing to the loss
of resources. One can talk all they want about development, but if this is
done while ignoring all that is being lost, it becomes a mockery. But more likely and worse yet, all the talk
of development is really part of the deception of de-development, because
while promising something good, there is a major transfer of resources going
on, a destroying of food security, and in the end the math points to a great
lie, carefully engineered from the get go. Methods That Don't appear to work: The Poor Action Model With
the advent of the internet, we can see that some NGO's aren't hacking it, but
even in the discussion forums there is not the mind to engage in action steps
to solve problems. Lots of talking and
theory, and these are forums where people can say what they want. People want to talk about how bad the poor have it
but they would not do much for the poor. Feminists speak much about equality but seldom about
equality as it applies between women of different societies and races. That is not what they mean by
equality? Is an Akha woman as equal as
a Thai woman before the courts, or as equal as an American woman when it
comes to getting a passport? Who is
fighting for that? People came in from this or that country, big ideas,
big projects, but when the money ran out, they hadn't even learned how to
skip rope yet and were gone. All the Akha heard was a noise, like a big fat jet
trying to jump down on a short runway, but making a touch and go instead, and
time they got their neck craned around to see, the jet was gone, and so was
the project, but the real life situations were still there, mostly unchanged
or made worse. Only helping to get the money from a project, no vision to help the
people beyond that and the money that it can bring. Thus when the project stops so does the
work and hope and vision. Not very creative or inspiring. It ended up being wasted resources and wasted time
because few were concerned that the causitive factors changed, that in the
end they hadn't only helped the Akha in some limited way but had made real
changes for them that would give them a chance to make their lives
collectively better when the projects were all done. Even some of the Akha had gotten trained on the
project model, just seeking this or that project to hop aboard, but once
again, not much outcome, it was just money till it was gone. Resolution
In a life woven more and more with the Akha, it is
more than assisting them, it is a matter of working as an advocate for them
but also learning to live among them, my children Akha now, myself having to
act as one of them in many ways, though I don't think I can fully be Akha
when I know so little of their life, their perspective on life, the make up
that drives them as a people against such great odds. Do they think of hope in the same way? Just what is it they cling on to? I write about them, about discovery, coming
from a vastly different world, their language, my work with it, but what it
is to me apart from what I want to do with it. There was so much about the tales the old
people told me that I want to understand, their explanations of their lives. And that was to say nothing about their vast
knowledge of the plants, animals, soil, insects, weather and fluctuation in
the world around them which they lived in.
I was sad that so much of my work got overshadowed just fighting for
their human rights. There was many a
time when I just wanted to pull up my legs in an Akha village and not go out
to any other world, to just shut it all out and live completely in the Akha
cycle of life. I do have to go out, to
many other villages, to the west, to the computer, but more and more, my attatchment
to the Akha way of doing things builds in continuity. My interest is to know more and more about their
cuture, not in a general sense alone, but in a specific sense, the oral
histories, the oral poems and songs and what it all means why, trying to see
the world a little bit as they see it if that is possible. They belong to something. They come from something long and unique,
the chain unbroken. There is great
loss for those who have had their past broken, the connection to who they are
destroyed and made senseless. They
look for meaning in places it is not and they can not find it, always lost,
robbed of the values of being human and connected, as to who they are. The Akha I know and meet have a deep faith and
assumption about God. I think that if
you want God, or seek God, it will always take you to the same place. Everyone everywhere. The exclusiveness of God
concept I question, that one people can own
him, when all people are seeking him, disconnected from him like they
are disconnected from their past and who they are, even disconnected from
themselves. Insert Properly Insert Hope Hope
Hope: How I saw
it
I worked with the Akha for years. I hadn't given
up. I felt it was my job, that there
were not enough others who were doing it or going to do it. I seldom found anyone on a battered Akha
road, there to help the Akha, and this was unfortunate, as it would have been
nice to have company. I got tired.
There wasn't much help, and often my soul existed on vapors only, not hope. When you got no water, you think about it,
you remember it, but then after a while your mind fatigues even of that, and
you know you'll make it and all the memories will come back or you won't. But
you don't keep on thinking about water when you don't have any for a long
time. But I kept on. Things fell down, were torn down, I built
them up again. I hoped endlessly. If one wanted to look for all the reasons to quit
there were plenty, but I learned not to look there. I learned not to speak
bad of others, nor to speak of bad
things. I learned to kick out the
people who did too. My souls and the
souls of others could not take the endless litany of such things that were
way too true and true soon enough each time we turned around to speak of them
more than when we had to. I looked so often for just one tiny place or another
where my hopes could spring to life like a flame and give birth to success
and the reward of hoping so long. I believed that things could be, and I didn't like
people who wouldn't even bother to try and think for a better event, a better
reality, for themselves or others. I
didn't mind if people thought selfishly to get something good, even that was
rare enough, getting people to hope for selfish reasons would at least be
progress. Getting them to hope for the good of others would be just fine too. I didn't single the Akha out as lacking hope. Maybe we had too much good and too much
hope in the west to where people didn't know what it was like to crawl out on
the plain and not see one crumb of hope anywhere. Maybe that is why western people sometimes
treaded on hope for fun or scoffed at it. Many western people found it
easy to diminish my hopes and goals to help the Akha, after all if I hoped
for nothing, maybe it made it easier on them in their fun life some how,
rather than reminding them what all they had with the poor standing always in
the door. Was a lot easier than
saying, Hope
Progress and Hope
after ten years
A lot happens, too much happens to get it all written
down. Raising money to support the work takes up a lot of
my time and energy and I am not good at it. As time went by I chalked up one success after
another either on a phase of a project or discovering information that fit a
piece into the puzzle, explaining situations and events. My skill at the language and understanding
of the culture grew very slowly. I
could not afford a tutor which I would have enjoyed immensely. Many of the Akha were very impatient with
me that I did not have more money to help them with. This was also a frustration of the work,
but the nutritional situation in the village alone was such that it made it
fairly easy for me to overlook this criticism on their part. They saw westerners as having lots of
money, and I did not, and this was not much help to them, like coming to a
party empty handed, only this was no party, they were dying on all sides,
especially the children. It causes me to groan to think all of the years it
has taken me to survive and advance the work.
The advent of ATM machines, the internet, computers and email did much
for getting the word out about the project, but attracting or gathering money
was never my strong point. I kept on
with the work just the same, could easily point to stages of progress, as
frustratingly slow as they were. Many
times work that I started fell apart when the money ran out and I had to set
it up again, when I got more money, calling the people back to go to work
again. Many did not come back in
disgust, which they made very clear, and this was some of the most
discouraging parts of the work. On the
absolutely worst days, the children were the only excuse I could come up with
for keeping on, trying to help them and make their lives somehow more sure
and healthy. I became increasingly invested in wanting to make
sure that the children were told truthfully about their culture, that being
Akha was good, that it was beautiful, that it had incredible history and
poetry, and most of all it was who they were and that they didn't need to
feel ashamed no matter how anyone spoke of them. They were unique people, they had a story
all their own, and it was a story different from what other people had, an
uncommon story, carefully remembered and lived, high in the mountains, but
always under attack by less than kind people. Once I decided to quit. I wanted something different and to go to The Akha came to find that I didn't go away, or least
I seemed to always hang on and come back.
Some of them openly hated me for disappointing them by being so
broke. Some spoke very nastily and
mocking of me, never asking themselves why I didn't just reach into my pocket
and pull out my passport and go home where I could knock down a couple
thousand dollars per month working in construction and eating all the best
foods, watching movies, going on trips here and there, and not sweating
anyone's load. But with time, even they fell silent. Others came to realize that I could not work
miracles, when I had money I helped, when I didn't I was also frustrated at
not being able to do much. I built a store in one village for Ah Zeh to see what
he could get going for his family and since the village needed one. He is good hearted and is building it up
slowly but I don't think it will make it as I look now because the family is
too poor, he is the younger brother and I think the older brothers will not
allow that it succeed. But he has a
lot of ambition of his own. The store
did close and later he went to His younger brother Ah Gah
has been learning to read from Mooh Dzurh and then taught night classes to
the children in the village. He makes
the children sing a song to the group when they come to the chalk board and
this is a lot of fun to watch and very hilarious. Especially the young boys and they are so
outgoing and like actors when compared to how sober we had to be in
school. Three strikes and you are in
the hall. Discipline is fine but you
don't do well when you are only afraid. End Have a comment or question? Like to know
more? Send me an email at akha@akha.org |